Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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