you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you had me at cake vodka
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize