I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't shave. On purpose
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize