Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
