Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
