I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize