Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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