And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
