i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
