she looked like the before picture.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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