It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
