he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
