it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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