you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
