His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
