When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
