u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
