Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
