Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
