I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
