3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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