She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
