this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
