He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
