wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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