I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
