So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
