his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
