Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
