Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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