If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
