just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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