I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
