Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
