I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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