I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
