I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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