I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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