I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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