I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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