She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
