why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
