How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
