I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
