My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
