small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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