god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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