I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
