i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
