I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
cat food counts as protein by the way
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
