I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate all girls vehemently.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
