You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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