Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
