its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
