Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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