Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
