oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
