Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
