oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
