My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
