i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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